I had a coaching call with one of my favorite people on Planet Earth, Mariola Czarniak, if you want to take your shit to the next level, there is no one like her, I highly recommend her. She is my coach and I love her!
So, we had our coaching call I explained that I was ready to deepen my knowledge base on a bunch of things and went on the search to learn more:).
I came across a video where Tony Robbins works with a couple to help through a challenge. You can watch it here.
So what came out of it for me?
Tony talks about a "Meadow Report", it's a way to summarize how women communicate with the world.
When we lived in tribes, women typically did all the 'gathering'. We would go out and gather all the things that were needed to help our tribe survive.
When we returned to the tribe, we would, in great detail, describe our time out in the forest etc or wherever we did our foraging. If we didn't give a "meadow report" accurately and with great detail, our tribes survival was at stake and bad things could happen.
When a woman is in her feminine and telling a story, she is giving her Meadow Report...
Men Must Hear This, Even If It's Boring...To Them
What does this mean? When we come home or you've come home, we are super eager to come and unload or download our day. We are looking to give our Meadow Report to you, good or bad, this is what we are doing:).
So knowing this, knowing that the great detail in which we want to give you this information, know that we aren't looking for a solution, we just want to share. So how can you enjoy the Meadow Report?
Easy, give us a time limit. Like for real.
How To Carve Out Time For The Meadow Report?
Ladies, when your partner comes home, or these days, comes out of his makeshift office in the house, give him time to transition. Give him 20 minutes to change hats so to speak, let him decompress, he must. In fact, you might want to do the same.
Once you've both had a few minutes to shift, let him know it's time for the Meadow Report. Agree that you are going to give a more positive report and if there are things you want to complain about, you aren't making the complaints the focus. Agree to keep it to a 10-15 minute limit, it's all they can handle;).
And gentlemen, when it's time for your partner to talk, this is the time when you are totally PRESENT, zero distractions...like none.
Some Ways To Be Present
Look her in the eyes.
Put your phone away, across the room or turn it off for those 10 minutes
You could put a hand on hers or a knee, she will feel safe when you do this.
When she's done, thank her for sharing, and mean it, it's a big deal that she is open to you to share this with.
It's important to know the difference in how we communicate, men when asked, "How was your day?" might say, "It was good", that's enough for them. For a woman, it just isn't.
Hope this helps some of you and how you communicate:).